


A Cat and the Undying Detective

by Effenay



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cat, Comedy, Dark Comedy, Detective Story, In The Cat's POV, Short Story, Unreliable Narrator, an ugly cat, co-worker relationship, potentially a collection of short stories, sardonic humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25917844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Effenay/pseuds/Effenay
Summary: A short story I failed to submit in uni, so I'd might as well post it here.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	A Cat and the Undying Detective

The life of the Undying Detective is not as eventful as others perceive it to be.

Now, one might ask, why does Theodore ‘Teddy’ Margrave have such a title?

The answer is simple: no matter how many times one tries to stab him, poison him, burn him, etc. he always managed to survive in every possible life-and-death situation. Well. Except hunger.

“A man can’t survive with an empty stomach,” he said to me once, as his sausage fingers picked a piece of pastry on the breakfast table.

But in all seriousness, he really is shameless when it comes to food. Apparently, the closest he’s ever been to death was two weeks of starvation. As grateful as I am to have him as my benefactor, sometimes I think it’s laughable compared to my days of scavenging. Might as well call him ‘Inspector Teddy Bear’, rather than the exaggerated title of ‘the Undying’.

* * *

“Ollie,” Eleanor hollered out from the living room. “Fetch the door for me, there’s a client waiting outside.”

_'Coming!'_

Running down the steps, I hastened towards the entrance, only to have the teddy bear detective open the door for me.

 _'Hey!'_ I hissed. ' _I could’ve done that!'_

The detective lowered his gaze at me, smiled and patted my head as if to belittle me.

“You’re too short to reach for the door,” he murmured. “I’ve got this.”

_'Hmph.'_

As soon as the door swung open, a strange woman shrieked the moment she laid eyes on me.

“W-what is THAT?!” she shamelessly pointed at me.

 _'How rude,'_ I couldn’t hide my grumblings, seeing how she didn’t even try being polite about my appearance.

“My apologies if this child has frightened you,” ever the shameless detective that he was, he would rather appease this exceptionally rude woman over someone like me. “Miss Lisbeth, is it?”

“Oh,” she released her breath, and nodded in apology. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been jittery all day.”

“No worries, Miss Lisbeth,” the detective gave her a wide smile. “Please come inside.”

_'How about no?!'_

“I’ll hear your complaints later, Ollie,” he chided with a grim, wide smile. “Now don’t be rude to our guest.”

_'Rude?! She was the one rude to me!'_

The woman lowered her gaze towards me, donning a foolish expression as she clearly seemed uncertain of what sort of creature I was.

“This is Ollie, by the way,” Inspector Teddy gestured towards me.

“Oh-”

“He’s a bit sensitive about his appearance, so, please be nice to him.”

_'Hey, inspector, a little too late for that, don’t you think?'_

As much as I wanted to throw another insult, I knew it wasn’t worth trying to defend myself against his better judgement.

“So he’s… what is he?” said the shameless woman.

I glared at the bear inspector.

“Miss Lisbeth,” the man gave her his best business-like smile. “Why don’t we go over the living room and discuss your concerns over your case.”

“Y-yes of course. My apologies.” Miss Lisbeth Flustered at his words, finally realizing how rude she was to me… or so I hoped.

* * *

By the time Miss Lisbeth and the detective had settled in, Eleanor entered the room with a tray of biscuits, kibble and tea to serve us. Eleanor nodded as soon as Teddy introduced her to the client, and went on about her business, setting the tea set and biscuits on the small table. I reclined on my fleece covered seat, waiting for Eleanor to leave the bowl of kibble and tea in front of me.

“Sit up, Ollie,” she grabbed me by the scruff of my fluffy neck and had me positioned to sit up. “Tis’ not good manners before our guest.”

_'Our **rude** guest.'_

“Tut, tut,” she shook her head. “Slouching before a client while listening will make them feel terribly unimportant, now sit up.”

Without waiting for my reply, she set the bowl of kibble and tea before me and left the room in a flash.

Miss Lisbeth, who seemed to have witnessed my exchange with Eleanor, gaped at me with clear disbelief.

“Um, forgive me, but,” she kept blinking nervously. “Is it alright for him to drink that?”

“Pay no heed, that’s just one of Ollie’s preferences,” Inspector Teddy chuckled as he assured her. “Now Miss, what ails you, to have seek my counsel?”

The woman glanced over me one last time before she began her tale. In short, our rude client would dream of strange dreams. And every time she woke up, she would find herself in places where someone of her class wouldn’t dare to come. Apparently, this has been happening for weeks now. Then her testimony trailed off to a strange topic of the neighbourhood’s gossip about her reputation; how her current disposition would somewhat lead to some kind of ruins of sorts. Her ramblings slowly became a series of events that were somewhat loosely attached to the current problem that she had. By the time the conversation had slowly diverted into matters of her household crisis-

“Miss Lisbeth,” the detective’s lips wore a smile that seemed uncomfortably wide.

Oh boy. He’s irritated, isn’t he?

“Do you know what sort of trade I run in this agency?” he asked.

“…A consulting specialist?” the foolish woman replied.

Her eyes fell to my direction, as if my presence could provide her the proper answer to his question.

 _'What?'_ I reciprocated her gaze with an admonishing one.

The foolish client twitched at our eye-contact.

“That… thing…” she murmured; her eyes steadily focused on mine. “…Understands us, doesn’t it?”

Oh, for the love of-!

The inspector gave out a hearty laugh, making the very fibres of my fur to stand up at his sudden outburst.

“Miss Lisbeth.”

Our client flinched.

“A thousand apologies,” he said in an overly gallant manner. “But I am an investigator of strange endeavours; not a doctor, let alone a counsellor. I suggest that you see either of the two if your problems only demand a listening ear.”

And just like a child pouting after being reprimanded, she pressed her lips into a thin line and puffed her two cheeks till it glowed into a rosy hue. Satisfied at her dim-witted expression, I drew the bowl of tea with my paw and lapped at it. When I raised my head, her face had been painted white with shock.

“It actually drinks it…” she muttered under her breath.

“Miss?”

And just like some frail heroine from books, her eyes rolled back and collapsed to the side of the client’s chair.

The two of us fell silent, dumbfounded at what had happened right before us.

 _'Ah,'_ I pointed with my left paw. ' _She fainted.'_

“Who wouldn’t?” Teddy nodded and sat up from his chair. “Eleanor, another client fainted again.”

 _'Oh, so it’s my fault again, isn’t it?'_ I grumbled.

“Of course,” he shot me with an irritated smile. “Look at you; a cat that drinks tea, born with a face that only a mother could love? I’m surprised she even lasted this long.”

_'Rather than taking the time to insult me, you should be taking care of this mess, you sadistic bastard.'_

The sadistic, undying detective laughed at my insult; as if the entire time he had been bemused by the client’s apprehensive behaviour towards me.

“Ah, Ollie, don’t you ever change,” he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

_'Shut up, you useless pig.'_


End file.
